Enjoy this episode & transcript below where Kimberly Spencer, Master NLP Mindset & Communications Coach and CEO of Communication Queens, interviews Sarah Davies. Sarah is a coach and the founder of Sarah's Stepping Stones, helping women living with ill health and chronic illness who feel unsupported, achieve confidence and a support system that they can rely on by building a life that they love.

In this episode of Communication Queens, host Kimberly Spencer coaches Sarah Davies on sharing her transformative story. Sarah, founder of Sarah's Stepping Stones, recounts her journey through chronic illness and personal upheaval after her husband left her post-diagnosis. Kimberly guides Sarah to convey her story with more emotional depth, advising her to slow down and let the impactful moments of her narrative resonate with the audience. Sarah's story of resilience and healing, from seeking a second medical opinion to finding love and happiness again, illustrates the power of vulnerability and authenticity in storytelling. Kimberly emphasizes the importance of pacing and emotional connection to engage listeners and amplify the healing experience of sharing one's story.

FYI Transcripts may contain a few typos. With many episodes lasting 30-minutes, it can be difficult to catch minor errors. Enjoy!

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Kimberly Spencer** ((00:00:00)) - - There is a reason successful movies are successful. They follow a certain formula where there are beats that land so that the audience is emotionally involved. In this episode of Communication Queens, I'm coaching Sarah Davies. Sarah is a coach and the founder of Sarah's Stepping Stones, helping women living with ill health and chronic illness who feel unsupported, achieve confidence and a support system that they can rely on by building a life that they love. Through this session, pay attention to how Sarah's story emotionally impacts you the first time versus the second time when she really shares the real deal behind the scenes of what really went on. You will notice how pacing and slowing down to savor those moments, or in screenwriting, those beats of your story, actually support the story in landing and support you in the healing journey that comes when you just share your story for yourself and allow yourself to take up the space and slow down so that your story can be savored by your audience. And as she goes through the session, getting more visible and more vulnerable, you will be able to feel that heart just by how you change the way you share your story.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:01:28)) - - And now let's go to the episode. Welcome to the Communication Queens podcast for the visionary leaders, speakers, service providers and podcasters who are looking to stand out sharing their story. I'm your host, Kimberly Spencer, former screenwriter turned master communications coach. On this podcast, I'll be coaching you on how to share your own transformation story so that you increase your visibility, influence, and income on podcast interviews. Let's get your voice heard. Sara. Welcome to the Communication Queens podcast. So tell us a little bit about yourself.

Sara Davies** ((00:02:08)) - - So I'm Sara. I have a business called Sara's Stepping Stones. I help ladies who are like myself. Your final thoughts on the chronic illness? Maybe they're just diagnosed, or they're awaiting a diagnosis and they've been abandoned. Or they're feeling abandoned in their time of need., to build the support strategy or to build a support system from within themselves so that they can be the person that they need themselves to be in that moment.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:02:38)) - - Brilliant. Your work is so needed. What got you into doing what you're doing?

Sara Davies** ((00:02:43)) - - so when I was diagnosed nine years ago,, I was diagnosed after I had a stroke.

Sara Davies** ((00:02:50)) - - I had an 18 month old baby at the time, and,, a new husband and my husband decided my diagnosis day to leave was because it was too much for him., so I had to be my client, finding my inner strength to be the person that I needed for both me and also to. Makes borrowing just needed.

Kimberly Spencer* ((00:03:17)) - - Holy sht. Why?

Sara Davies** ((00:03:20)) - - Yeah.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:03:23)) - - So I already warned you. We're gonna do a little bit of coaching around your story on this and like that. Build up is like a bomb went off. And. The way that you speak, your story has power and how it's received. So I'll give you an example. My husband was previously married years before he met me, and he had his ex-wife cheat on him., leave him for his ex best friend. Lost his ex-wife's family, lost his best friend's family. Lost his mom. He had a back surgery. He lost his grandfather, like, had to move out to LA where he knew three people., but in the midst of that scenario, he shares how he was literally on the brink of suicide, like had the gun to his temple and a little voice just whispered, no.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:04:20)) - - And I say this to you because I've seen him deliver it live in front of crowds. For a decade we've been together for 11 years, and he two very similarly because it was in the past because he, like you, has done the internal work and the processing and the healing. It was just a piece of what happened. And the moments didn't land as powerfully as they could. So I want you to think of that experience. If you don't mind going there again. And say it to me as if it was a movie. The build up, the tension. The moments where, oh my God, you're in the hospital with an 18 month old baby having a had a just had a stroke and her husband decides to leave. And let it land. Like plant it. Do you see what I'm saying?

Sara Davies** ((00:05:26)) - - Yeah, yeah I did.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:05:28)) - - Yeah.

Sara Davies** ((00:05:30)) - - I guess, like you say in my head, because I just look at myself and I've done the healing and it's not something that. Bothers me anymore.

Sara Davies** ((00:05:38)) - - I have learned to maybe take the edges off the story so that it doesn't. Why. So it's more of a round round pebble into a round hole, rather than a triangle or a square peg into a square hole where it might be a bit more. Edgy and it might feel like I'm still feeling hurt while I'm not.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:05:59)) - - And the problem is, is that. In that space because we don't want to, like, relive trauma on a podcast that's not the nice and. When you've smoothed that pebble, so it's no longer painful for you. If you deliver it in such a way that it the audience doesn't really get to grasp the emotional weight of what you went through to have a clear picture. Of like, oh my gosh, this, this is what happened. Then that it's those emotional moments that the audience remembers. So it doesn't mean it's your emotion, your unprocessed emotions, but it's allowing the audience to go on the journey. Just like. Just like when you watch a movie, it's.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:06:55)) - - Building that. Anticipation, the awareness painting, the five dimensional picture of what did it feel like when you're in the bed? Like what was that moment remembering of just whether it was in the hospital or right after giving birth, that moment paint that that five dimensional picture of the things that you were noticing or smelling or you heard and the those, those little in, in acting, in, in screenwriting, they call them beats, beats of the script. So there are those, those moments that just like land, like when Jack says to Rose, I'll never let go. And it's like, it's since you remember that you hold on to that. Yeah. So it's those those beats of moments that that create that build to that holy crap moment. So would you mind? Sharing it again and allowing us to go on the journey.

Sara Davies** ((00:07:57)) - - Sure. So., it wasn't straight away. I should probably head out, but in. So we've returned to the hospital from my diagnosis this May. I'll be back.

Sara Davies** ((00:08:11)) - - My husband and the doctor turns to me and says. You have this underlying chronic health condition. And it's demonstrating., you know, it's it's a blood condition, so it affects my entire life. And I turned to my husband to look for support, and he turned and looked at me and he just shook his head. And I didn't understand in that moment. And when we went outside, he said, I can't do this. And he. Left us.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:08:48)) - - Do you feel the difference in that story, in those in that moment? I mean, it's a painful moment because it's your life. Yeah.

Sara Davies** ((00:08:57)) - - Yeah. And I thought, that does make a big difference. And I guess, like I said before, it's. The. Still feels raw, whereas the other way, that's the way I said it originally feels more smooth and like it's safer to say, if that makes sense.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:09:15)) - - .

Sara Davies** ((00:09:17)) - - But. The that both true.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:09:20)) - - And they're both true. And they're both true. And sometimes it's in the acknowledgement of.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:09:29)) - - The emotions of the experience. That we also get to create our own healing.

Sara Davies** ((00:09:37)) - - Yeah.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:09:38)) - - I've been like, wow, that really sucked.

Sara Davies** ((00:09:45)) - - No, it was, it was. It was meant to be. We. Have felt what? All the fabulous life. I have a fabulous partner who is a fabulous parent to my child, and I have the life that I always wanted. Whereas before I didn't. So this is this was the you know, that was the start to the story. But this is the end of the story and the end of the story looks so much better.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:10:15)) - - Yeah, yeah. And that's that's the power of your transformational story. So paint us a picture. Of what got you to the space where now you were able to attract a partner who is supportive and a great stepdad, and now you were able to heal and process and live with this diagnosis. And. Be in the space that you're at now.

Sara Davies** ((00:10:48)) - - So it wasn't a quick process., about two years after I'd gone through that.

Sara Davies** ((00:10:54)) - - Retrieved back towards my parents so that I could have some support in looking after my child, obviously. And I saw a doctor who told me that nothing would ever get better, and I was going to live my life in the position that I was in at that point. And at that point I was probably mobile, like an 80 or 90 year old. So it wasn't wasn't great. And I went home and I cried and I just sat there and I thought, it's my choice. I can either take that or I can go and ask for a second opinion. I can make the changes within myself. I can believe that I can get better because this isn't what I want. I want to be able to chase around after my son. I want to be able to do stuff with my son. This is what I want. And so I went back to the hospital and got a second opinion, and they said, well, there's a struggle we can try. Let's try this drug and see if it helps.

Sara Davies** ((00:11:44)) - - And it wasn't a miracle cure, but it did help. And it meant that I slowly got my ability to move properly back. And then I was able to crawl around and chase around on the floor with my child and. It took a while, and then I started to process all my emotions and all my feelings that were caught up with everything else that had happened, and I decided there and then that I was never going to let another man back in my life ever again, because I was a terrible picture of man. And we were quite happy. Like that fluttered along. And then the pandemic hit. And during the pandemic, I had quite a big flare up of my condition, and I ended up in hospital and I was lying there in the bed, and I was my best thing. When I get fully clothed and make everyone around me laugh. And the nurse came in to me and he said, I really hope you don't mind or think I'm overstepping, but you know, you should be out there because there's someone for you out there.

Sara Davies** ((00:12:43)) - - You shouldn't be hiding yourself away. You should be like putting yourself out there. You should be trying to find this person that can make everything just, like, come together for you. And I left the hospital. I thought, actually, he's right. So. I saw it myself out there and I let my partner sound a bit displaced.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:13:03)) - - That's beautiful. And I love. I love your stories so much because it it's these moments of lows and then just this. Ability to to be be so courageous and in hearing you tell your story, all I would say is just slow down. Like, allow yourself to take the time to take up the space. It's your podcast interview. Like. As hosts were interviewing you. We want to know you. We're like, come on, give us the juice. So allow yourself to just breathe. And take up the space.

Sara Davies** ((00:13:56)) - - Cool. I do tend to like rush between. Well, this happened and then this happened, and then I was okay. Yeah, yeah.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:14:09)) - - Why is that?

Sara Davies** ((00:14:12)) - - , I think. Because you train yourself when you're an old person to keep some of the worst bits to yourself because you keep. You get used to people not and not necessarily not wanting to know, but sort of you get used to the looks of people like, oh, she said, like, oh, it's an oversight. So you just get used to not hiding that part, but again, rounding that part of yourself off so that you don't. Always come across with this person who like these things happen to, oh my gosh, what a drama queen. You know, there was a real time there for a while where my life literally looked like EastEnders or Coronation Street. So two big soaps in the UK, I should probably fail. Yeah, well, literally every day of the week I could quite happily have been on one of those soaps of the dunking moment, and I guess you just sort of get used to. Making those bits a little bit less obvious because people roll their eyes or look at you a bit like.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:15:21)) - - I love the fact that you said that and brought awareness to that, because imagine in the head of your ideal customer who is struggling with real pain and whose life does feel like a very dramatic soap opera with suddenly they're in hospital again. And trying to make everybody else around them feel okay, that they're even though that they're not okay, but trying to make them feel okay. And yet here Sara comes along. And she just takes up space. And she owns that. It happened. And shares the stepping stone of what she learned from that experience.

Sara Davies** ((00:16:08)) - - Yeah.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:16:10)) - - In a way, by sharing your story without glossing over and rounding off and smoothing off all the edges. You're giving permission for your ideal clients who are listening to your story, who are struggling with chronic illness, who are in hospital and out of hospital and in hospital and out of hospital. From feeling like they too have to round off. The bits of their the quote unquote drama of the story. In order to make everybody else feel better.

Sara Davies** ((00:16:45)) - - And it is something that you have to learn to get used to. I think I when I. When I was first diagnosed, my cousin was getting married and I was seriously well. And so I'm applied to and I wouldn't be able to go because. I don't want to make like the whole day. It would be too much for me. And she sent me a very terse message back, telling me that I needed to suck it up and get ready for my drama, and that it was her wedding day and it should be about her and not about me. And I replied saying, that's why I'm not coming, because then it's not good. It's going to all be about you. Because all eyes will be on you, because I won't be there for you to worry about. And yeah, it devolved into a whole family drama, that one. But I guess. Yeah, it's the it's something that is very real for people. And you lose. You can lose a lot of friends because people only.

Sara Davies** ((00:17:45)) - - Not not friends. People that you thought were friends because they want. That. One way street rather than the two way communication, and they can't back off enough to let you have the time when you need to take your time for yourself and rest, and where you're not able to go out. And when you're not able to do things where you have to cancel plans, you find who your true friends are during that period. And for some people that they can find that they actually don't have any. And that can be really, really difficult and really tricky to navigate as well.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:18:22)) - - And with what you're creating. Out of your products and services. Support that for people who are struggling.

Sara Davies** ((00:18:30)) - - So,, I offer emotional support in putting those steps in place to build that group, but want to build the support around themselves. But in the meantime, I have a group of women who have been through that situation a little of that situation who are always ready to reach out. And part of the great part of the program is that you come in and you become part of this group, and you share.

Sara Davies** ((00:18:54)) - - When you don't share, and people just show you what it looks like to have a group of supportive and who don't expect anything in return. They're just there to offer a hand when you need one.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:19:05)) - - And so by sharing. And allowing yourself to share and giving those transparent stories and allowing yourself to take up space. And. To highlight and not gloss over the experiences that you've had. You're literally pioneering the way for women to come into the community, because that's what you had to create for yourself. Of true friends around you, and you're providing them with that opportunity. How does that feel?

Sara Davies** ((00:19:41)) - - It feels the way that I want it to be. That's that's what you said is exactly what my goal is, what my aim is, what I want it to feel like, what I want people to feel when they come in are. Are they in my heart? What you've just put into words. Exactly what I wanted and what I want and what I want it to be. And I'm just I up until now, not being as eloquent as you.

Sara Davies** ((00:20:06)) - - I put it into words.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:20:08)) - - I just repeated back your word. Just like that. That's what you created. Yeah. Don't do it when.

Sara Davies** ((00:20:15)) - - You say it.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:20:17)) - - It's the projector in me. So the power, though, is as you're sharing the stories, like the one that you expressed of your,, your family situation at the wedding and relaying and allowing yourself to. To believe your own stories, if that makes sense, because so many people around, people with chronic illness don't believe them, sometimes their doctors don't even believe them. So. In a way, by honoring and there's a principle in manifestation about reverence and giving reverence and honoring the journey that you've been on, not smoothing it over and making it really pretty for everybody to feel comfortable. But honoring the cracks and the edges. And the dirtiness and the rawness of it. Allows in your client's mind for them to start honoring the rocks and the edges and the dirtiness and the yuck ness of that gem. That is a diamond, because you're going to show them how to.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:21:41)) - - Do this nice cuts and make it a beautiful jam. Like what you've done with Sara. Stepping stones. So long.

Sara Davies** ((00:21:50)) - - As sorry. Not God. I'm sorry.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:21:52)) - - Please go ahead.

Sara Davies** ((00:21:53)) - - No, it's like you're right. But it took me 12 years to get an a full blown stroke to get a diagnosis. There's also the 12 years before that, they were telling me I was stressed and depressed all the time. There was nothing. There was nothing wrong with me. I was just stressed or depressed for 12 years and I was neither. Well, I was very stressed, clearly. But I will start the stress no decreased. That wasn't the problem. Or the problem was was that I had this also being disease that they weren't testing before and they hadn't tested me for. And if they had tested before it, it could have changed everything much sooner. And my life would look very much different than it does today. And that wouldn't necessarily be a good thing, but it's something that you have to learn to live with and you have to get over.

Sara Davies** ((00:22:41)) - - You have to grieve. So part of the process is grieving the life that you know you should have had and you could have had, but you haven't because you've spent all this time fighting for a diagnosis that you always knew you needed, but nobody would listen to you for.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:22:59)) - - And what are the other stepping stones?

Sara Davies** ((00:23:03)) - - So once we get past a week, we start with grief. And then we work through forgiveness. Because you have too much. You've grieved. You've got to forgive. You've got to forgive yourself. You've got to forgive those doctors. You've got to forgive your family members. And that's quite a big step, cos forgiveness isn't about the other people. It's about yourself. And you can't start to heal properly from the inside until you can forgive yourself. So can you.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:23:29)) - - Give an example of. Of that.

Sara Davies** ((00:23:34)) - - So for me personally, I had to learn to forgive my ex-husband. And I realized that it wasn't about me condoning his actions and saying that what he did was right, but it was about understanding that in that moment, he felt that that was the best step for him, that that was the best way that he felt he could serve the two of us was that he couldn't do it.

Sara Davies** ((00:23:57)) - - He didn't feel strong enough to do it, so he walked away. And that gave me the strength to do what I needed to do next. So I had to learn, and it took a long time. It took a lot of practice to forgive him for doing that, but in learning to do that, I let go of so much weight that I've been carrying without realizing, and that again, just upped my shoe tree and things just got a lot easier, a lot faster once I'd. Learnt. And it is. It is a skill and it's not something that you get right first time and you have to keep going and you have to keep trying. But it does get easier as you, as you practice it, as you just think about. There's always something positive that you can focus on about the personal situation. So for me, I was like, it doesn't matter what he did. He gave me muscle and actually I wouldn't be here without him. So. Although all the robustness there is one shining, beautiful bright light.

Sara Davies** ((00:25:06)) - - And it might be, you know, if it was my cousin, I wouldn't be able to say that about them. I would be able to say, I've got happy childhood memories of playing together. So focus on those roots rather than the things that went wrong later on.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:25:20)) - - And. Beautiful. And again, just slow down a bit. Especially if you're a fast talker and just take a beautiful deep breath. Especially like when you talk about your son because you light up like, I would love to see if you could savor, like the juicy feeling coursing through your mama's veins. As far as like what that feels like to have such a beautiful shining light in your life. And then transmute that love. Through to all of us. And well.

SaraDavies** ((00:26:09)) - - I can tell you that it's again another quite hilarious and whatnot. It's another quite interesting story. So Lucas, my little boy, was born three months early, weighing two tiny pounds., in 2012, he had.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:26:27)) - - . That it didn't.

Sara Davies** ((00:26:30)) - - Work so he couldn't eat any milk.

Sara Davies** ((00:26:32)) - - So he was still on like one meal of milk when he was like, what? And he was a month old. He was a tiny little dot still. And we were very scared that we'd never get to bring him home. But every time, every time the cards were down and they were like, this could be it. He'd rally like we'd have a little cuddle and his heart rate would rally and everything would be okay for that long while we were cuddling. Then he'd go back into his incubator and he'd just fight a little bit more. So I've always been a really firm believer that actually it's all bond. The bond between me and him that kept him going when he was poorly, and that it was that bond between him and me that kept me going when I was really poorly. And even today, he's 11 now. But if I'm poorly or any time with that, he'll still come and give me a massive cuddle, even when he's waiting for the bus in the morning and all his mates are still give me a massive cuddle.

Sara Davies** ((00:27:31)) - - I think it's just is that that's the bit that, like, I know that I've done a solid job as a mum. Because of that bit.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:27:47)) - - Good job. Like not only as a mom like because oh my gosh phenomenal. And in how you slowed down. And you just reveled in the love that you have for your son. And I'm feeling it. I'm in awe. I mean, just all of you. And you know, I have a a joke with my with my coaching clients over at Crown Yourself that like, I feel like I should just have, like. You know, I make people cry on my business card because the tears, the emotion, the laughter, that's what retains memory. And you just sharing that story. Oh my God. Like I'm honored. And I'm sure, like, our audience is also feeling all the feels, especially if you're a mom. Or a parent and you just know the power of that. Unconditional love. And that fighting power of doing like you would do anything for your child.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:28:58)) - - And you brought that in, how you shared your story and how you slowed down and how you just allowed yourself to revel. And I the beautiful piece is it is an easier story to tell then harsh moments, because you do love your son so much. And it's that power, though. And if you can get the audience to feel, you can get them to heal and be, you can also get you. You retain their memory. Emotion has far greater memory. Our brain naturally attaches more influence. And,, I told the rate of our wide rate of,, weight,, an influence, I think. I'm not getting the actual words right because I'm still feeling all the feels. But there is,, the more emotional weight and, oh, the in rate of, well, relative intensity and duration. So the duration of the emotion and the intensity of the emotion creates deeper neural pathways in our brain. And so when we have that emotional experience with someone that we're listening to, we will remember it far more deeply then.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:30:17)) - - Just giving the tips and tricks and bits of, you know, oh yeah, we go from grief and then we move to forgiveness and then we move to XYZ. Next steps. It's like that, that story of how you went from the forgiveness of your your ex-husband into the emotional depth of the love that you have and how much of a survivor like. I didn't know your son was in the NICU until you said. Suddenly it's like, oh my gosh, you had a baby. Lived then chronic diagnosis, then ex-husband leaves like it makes an even greater build to the story of just how incredibly strong you are and what your story is as a testimony to your resiliency.

Sara Davies** ((00:31:15)) - - Yeah, I don't normally look, but I obviously link them together in my own hand, but I often don't. Link them together like that. In my story. Not because I don't want to, but because I think again. Okay. You've just been through this massive. And it was a massive trauma, you know, 18 months prior.

Sara Davies** ((00:31:39)) - - You've survived that trauma by hook and Blackrock and then bang, you know, you wake up on the floor, you've had a stroke. And the next. Drama. Unfolds in your life. And also some of the older, the more traumatic 18 months of my life, I would possibly say.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:32:04)) - - Yeah.

Sara Davies** ((00:32:06)) - - Not to be. Not to be,. Not to be repeated those 18 months.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:32:12)) - - Amen. And. Those lessons you embody, and you're now leveraging those to serve others, to support others, to give other. Other people the strength to carry on, just like your son gave you that strength and now you're paying it forward.

Sara Davies** ((00:32:36)) - - Yeah, it's really important to me to be able to help people that find themselves in that or in a similar spot, because, you know, what I needed at that time was someone who was a bit further down the line to reach hand back and just say. No, but this is the way. If you don't believe you've got this, you know all those positive things that you need to say in time, you need here in times of crisis and just, you know, yes, okay.

Sara Davies** ((00:33:09)) - - It is going a bit wrong now, but it's okay. I got to go a little bit. I remember what it was like with Lucas. Things would go down and then things would come back up again. That's what it's like when you have chronic illness and you're getting a diagnosis and you're trying to get yourself better, things can feel like they're going in and you're not getting anywhere. But the ride is coming just around the corner. You. Just going to keep going is coming. It's coming, it's coming. And.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:33:40)) - - And having that support system around you. And so being sure in. In the interviews, especially because, like, I want to shift gears because one of the things that I teach with my clients in our agency is the power of metaphors. And your client testimonials or case studies are metaphors. Now, metaphors in neuro linguistic programming, which is what I coach in and am certified in and have been working with on clients for years., metaphors bypass the cognitive dissonance. Faculty in our brain were like, this would work for me.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:34:18)) - - Or because we're always thinking like, how does this apply to me? How does this work? Like, what's in this for me?, how is this going to work for me? And if we can bypass that question, we can bypass that question with metaphors, because metaphors provide social proof. So being able to share your story and then have one or 2 or 3 client or case study testimonials of women or men that you've worked with that have had a similar experience that you can highlight, you know, oh, when my client was experiencing the stepping stone of grief, this is what this was the journey. So can you share one of those? Obviously keeping all personally identifiable information private.

Sara Davies** ((00:35:05)) - - ,, so,, one of the ladies that I worked with right at the beginning of my journey to coach,, she found forgiveness particularly difficult..? Parents. Not. Not come along on her journey with her. They had all. It took her about 20 years to get a diagnosis, and they had left her maybe 2 or 3 years into her journey because they believed the doctors, that there was nothing wrong with her, that she was imagining it all.

Sara Davies** ((00:35:49)) - - There was a figment of her imagination, and she was trying to. We were trying to work through forgiving them because it was a big step. She wanted to be able to go and see them again and. She hoped to welcome them back into her life. Now that she had a diagnosis. But she couldn't get past the fact that they hadn't been able to trust her and belief that there was something wrong in the beginning. So we had to go. Nearly forgotten. Pick what it was. And it turned out that it wasn't this that they did. Not that they left or it was the fact that they didn't believe her. So they thought that she was just making it up and that she'd, you know, but I'll work for all this time. And she was just lazy, and she had a really difficult time and letting that go. So we had to like, we, we practiced what it would look like if she found out that one of her parents was in for one of those, they couldn't work.

Sara Davies** ((00:36:53)) - - Yeah. How would she what what language would she use to learn to discuss with them what was wrong with them and what was going on with them? And essentially, we worked on programming it so that she was having the conversation that she wanted them to have with her, but in reverse, so that she could. When she then sold on. Keep her calm and not go over and say, oh, I've got a diagnosis now. You were wrong, I was right. But instead go away and be like, okay, I understand why. You did what you did, and I've forgiven it. But I now have a diagnosis, and I need your help, because I find myself in this really difficult situation. And I would really appreciate your help and support. And it took us a while, but we did. We got there in the end, and the father was still not supportive. But the mother the mother did did support. So she felt a lot better having her mom on board in the end.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:38:00)) - - Amazing, amazing. And that's that just shows such a powerful journey that there's still, you know, healing and forgiveness to be to be done and that that work is, is ongoing. But that's such a beautiful metaphor. Do you have for another one of your stepping stones?, so you have grief and then forgiveness and then what's the third?

Sara Davies** ((00:38:26)) - - So once we've done grief and we've done forgiveness, then we have to do letting go. Letting go is like a it's like anger. So you're letting go of any feelings of anger that you have. And that's quite a common one to get stuck on because anger's quite a big one. When you've spent all this time and it's not about you, you've done your forgiveness. So you've forgiven yourself. You forgiven anyone around you. But you're still you still have this sort of really quite time repressed anger deep inside you that you feel that things could have been different if. Dude got a diagnosis sooner or if somebody had listened to you. There's a lot of if it's about removing those, if some.

Sara Davies** ((00:39:14)) - - I'll talk about it from my point of view, because that's the easiest one for me. If I'd have got a diagnosis earlier, Lucas wouldn't have been prematurely warned prematurely. Okay. So what would have what would have happened to my life would have made my life better? Probably not, because he would. Then. Would he have been the fighter that I needed him to be when I was probably myself? No, we didn't. He didn't go through that. Paid? Yes. Would I take that pain away if I could? 120% every single time. But that doesn't do anything for my. That isn't that anger doesn't doesn't help me in any way. And so if I just keep talking to myself about that and the fact that actually he's exactly who I need him to be. For what I need. And yes, I do wish I could take it. The pain that he suffered away. But he doesn't remember that. So in actual fact, the only person who's feeling any pain from that is me.

Sara Davies** ((00:40:18)) - - So if I let that pain go, then again, I feel lighter, I can float, I can do more of the things that I want to do because I've got more space to be me.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:40:29)) - - . Landed way to take the coaching of slowing down and allowing for some pacing. That was beautiful. Not only the I mean the the the tip. Yes. And just but going through all the ifs. Because just whether you've had a chronic diagnosis or not, every mother has those ifs. Every person has those. If if I'd only, you know, stayed with him. If I'd only left sooner. All of the ifs that can plague us. And you having such a powerful if. And walking us through that journey of your thought process and the emotions that came up. And then guiding us to that end point. You just took us on a journey, sir. I like, I love it, I love it. So then from the ifs. From the letting go of the ifs. What's the next step?

Sara Davies** ((00:41:36)) - - The next step has been confidence, because now you've dealt with your grief, you've dealt with your forgiveness.

Sara Davies** ((00:41:42)) - - You've dealt with your letting go of your earth. Now you need to start trusting yourself because, oh, a lot of gifts come from what if I had actually believed myself because I didn't believe myself either? I'd say, well, we have to work on increasing our confidence in trusting our inner voice again. And actually, when it's telling us something is going on, we believe it and that we listen to it because it has our best interest at heart. But we're only listening to it when it's the positive, warm voice. And when it's that niggling little, oh, you're looking a bit rough today. Oh, have you seen. I read my cheeks like, oh, I shouldn't really be on camera looking like that when it's that voice that we're a bit more like, whoa. Yeah, okay, maybe I don't look my best self today, but I'm showing up for myself and that's all that matters..

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:42:28)) - - Can you give a celebratory client story? Just embed that metaphor of what that means of seeing a client go through all of those steps and coming out to the point where they now trust themselves.

Sara Davies** ((00:42:44)) - - So there was again a lady that I worked with., she had been through quite a long process of diagnosis and within the process of diagnosis, with the condition that she had, she'd also lost her hair to alopecia., she didn't trust herself at all because she, you know, now she was having to deal with the visual effects of the fact that she'd got this condition. And it was only because of the patient that they found the other condition. And so we we sat and we worked and we she wouldn't she wouldn't come on screen at all when we were coaching staff. But you know this beautiful picture of her when she was younger, she had no she had no confidence. And she would she would speak, but it'd be shot at one, 1 or 2 words. So we started with, okay, what does confidence look like to you? And we we worked on what the what the essentially the picture that she presented on herself is when she felt most confident. So we started with how what she.

Sara Davies** ((00:43:52)) - - How would that then of herself feel? How, you know, when she was confident. And we worked on unpicking all those things. So, you know, she looked good. So she felt good. So. Right. Okay, so what's the first thing we can do? We can try some wigs. So we she went and she got some work. She went to a hairdresser. She got some wigs sorted., and she came back a couple of weeks later. I took a, took a look a good couple of weeks, but she's on the other end. I stole this picture of her, but she's got this wig on, and she she's talking in two sentences about about. So we're getting there for a little bit shortly., 3 or 4 weeks later, the camera comes on and there she is in this beautiful wig, and she's got a full face and makeup, and she's smiling and I'm like, alright, so we've cracked the physical confidence. Now we need to work on the underlying confidence.

Sara Davies** ((00:44:40)) - - And she just got us to spend a lot of time talking to herself in the mirror about what she thought about herself, what all her positive points were, and when she heard a negative thing to just turn around to it and physically say to her, you're not welcome here today. I understand what you're trying to do and how you're trying to help, but you're not welcome today. Please leave me alone. And she felt she'll be doing it at first, but she found it helped. And yeah, by the time we finished coaching, she was chatty as anything. It was beautiful. So beautiful.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:45:18)) - - Amazing. I love that song. Like the the the journey of just each of those precious moments of the experience of the the slow and un unlocking and to the point that, you know, chatty is everything at the end. So I always love you. Oh. Go ahead.

Sara Davies** ((00:45:44)) - - She's one of the most vocal people in the group. She's the what? She's the one who will reach out the most.

Sara Davies** ((00:45:49)) - - Especially to meet new people who come into the group. She's. Yeah. She she she's taken it I she's she's paying it forward now as well. She's really lovely.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:46:02)) - - Are. And look at the ripple of good that you're doing in the world.

Sara Davies** ((00:46:07)) - - And that's the most important thing.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:46:10)) - - . And it all started from sharing your story and being open and then the transformation that came from it. I have loved our conversation today and I want to ask, what did you love about our conversation?

Sara Davies** ((00:46:27)) - - You made me. I know that I talk fast, and you made me really sit back and realized that. And slowing down, actually. And my story becomes more powerful and slowing down. And I don't need to rush through it. And that I shouldn't worry about people being offended by the sharp edges of my story, because the people who need my help need the sharp edges. People who don't need my help. It doesn't matter if they're offended.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:47:01)) - - Your work is so beautiful and your story is going to save lives, I know this.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:47:07)) - - So it has been my honor to have you on and for you to be open and guided through this process. And and I'm so glad that we are just I can't wait to see you get booked on more podcast interviews to share your story in the way that you are sharing it now. And with that, my fellow communication queens, just know that your story has the power to save one life or more. So be sure you stand out and be heard. Thank you so much for listening.

Kimberly Spencer** ((00:47:39)) - - If you love this episode, subscribe! Leave us a review and share it with your friends. For more tips on guest podcasting, storytelling and communication strategies, follow us on social media at Communication Queens Agency and visit us at Communication queens.com. I look forward to seeing you in the next episode. And in the meantime, remember your story has the power to save one life. Let your story and your voice be heard.

Ranked No.55 in the United States by Apple Podcasts for Marketing, within just one week of launching, and over 33,000 downloads in the first 5 months, the Communication Queen Podcast with Kimberly Spencer is on the fasttrack to becoming an industry GAMECHANGER, in supporting listeners to tell better stories, enhance their communication skills, and learn how to leverage getting booked on podcasts to grow their business.

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