Enjoy this episode & transcript below where Kimberly Spencer, Master NLP Mindset & Communications Coach and CEO of Communication Queens, discusses how your marketing message may attract some negative customers.

In this episode of the Communication Queens podcast, Kimberly Spencer discusses how marketing messaging can attract different types of clients. She warns against using blamey or victim-oriented language, which can draw in negative or codependent clients. Instead, Kimberly advocates for messaging that embodies aspirational leadership, empowering potential clients to see their highest potential. She shares her own experience of shifting from an egocentric messaging approach to one that encourages clients to take responsibility for their success. Kimberly offers advice on refining marketing strategies to attract clients aligned with positive change and invites listeners to seek further coaching support.

FYI Transcripts may contain a few typos. With many episodes lasting 30-minutes, it can be difficult to catch minor errors. Enjoy!

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Kimberly Spencer (00:00:00) - If you have ever attracted downer clients or negative clients, you're like, what is up? Why am are they coming to me for support? It could be your marketing message. Your marketing message could actually be a little bitchy. Here's how we'll find out. Stay tuned. Welcome to the Communication Queens podcast for the visionary leaders, speakers, service providers and podcasters who are looking to stand out sharing their story. I'm your host, Kimberly Spencer, former screenwriter turned master communications coach. On this podcast, I'll be coaching you on how to share your own transformation story so that you increase your visibility, influence, and income on podcast interviews. Let's get your voice heard. Hello and welcome back to the communication Queen podcast. I am your host, Kimberly Spencer, founder of the Communication Queens Agency, where we help visionaries, leaders, entrepreneurs and CEOs get booked on the right podcasts that build their brand awareness and their bottom line. I have been in the online space for over a decade, and being in the online space for over a decade, you see a lot of things, and I have seen specifically, especially in the coaching industry or in, in any form, no matter what coach, whether the life coach, marketing coach, sales coach, etc., that if you start to attract a sort of negative customer.

Kimberly Spencer (00:01:22) - Victim customers where you're like, why am I attracting these people? A lot of times can actually be your messaging because I have seen a lot of. Bitchy. Messaging. And what I mean is that the tonality and the presuppositions that people are using within their language, it sounds blamey. So if you're constantly in your marketing or in your messaging, like being like, yeah, screw my ex, or like calling someone a narcissist or calling out like. I've seen this as a trend in the coaching industry, which I'm not a fan of, is like calling other coaches narcissists and constantly trying to prove how different and better you are than other coaches in the industry. I think it's gross. I think it's a gross marketing tactic. I don't agree with it at all. You're going to attract a certain level of clientele from your messaging into your business that I am not sure if you actually want, because if you your messaging has victim connotations of, you know, look at me being the hero of my story.

Kimberly Spencer (00:02:26) - And remember we've talked about on podcasts how your you are not the hero of your story, your customer is the hero of their story. And you should be the guide, the facilitator, the mentor leading the way. If you're positioning your messaging to where you look like the hero because you've proven how badass you are, how much you've transformed, how much better you are without that ex,, or without that coach, or without that whatever it is, then you're going to attract a lot of people who are involved with the drama triangle. And the drama triangle is a concept that I've talked about on the Crown or Self podcast, and I share a lot with my coaching clients, and it was developed back in the 60s, and it's basically. The framework is, is that you have the victim, the villain, and the hero. The victim is the one who's super blamey. And so many of us especially, you know, the strong leaders are like, no way that we would rather be. We would rather be caught dead than being the victim.

Kimberly Spencer (00:03:28) - Because no way, no way in hell we're going to be the victim again. Especially if you've experienced trauma like the there's there's no way. But that does sometimes put us prone to being either the villain in our own story with negative self-talk, or the hero in our own story, which actually attracts codependency and complacency with potential clients. Because if you're the hero and I had this,, I heard this one time with,. In a Facebook forum that I was a part of for podcasters, and this one woman was saying how she and her therapist spent 30 minutes complaining about the state of the world, and I was like, I would stop paying your therapist because that's now a codependent relationship of like, let's talk about how much better we are than these experiences that are going on in our world. I don't think that contributes to a dialogue of conversation that actually elevates the planet or consciousness in general. So if you are in that space of bitchiness, because I call it like, I'm going to call it what it is, it's bitching.

Kimberly Spencer (00:04:39) - It's bitching about the world. It's positioning yourself as the bike head bitch in charge. If you're constantly and you'll know this language if you constantly call people narcissists. I see this all the time with people who are trying to position with their messaging themselves in the hero role of being the hero of their own story. And so they blame the villain bad guy narcissist for making them the victim. Problem is, when you're stuck in this drama triangle, you either will attract a lot of victim people, or you'll attract a lot of savior complex people who feel like they need you to save them. No. Run away. I cannot tell you how much., I posted this one,, post that I'll link to down below on my,, on my Instagram. That was like, if if a client is coming to you saying, like, all my ex coaches have failed me and I only have $3,000 left in my bank account to save my business, can you save my business in three days? And I said, run! Run away from this person.

Kimberly Spencer (00:05:46) - This person is not a client. They are a liability. Those are the people, though, that you attract with bitchy blamey messaging where you are sharing about your story from a position of being the hero. Instead of being the example. And so here's the beautiful part about the drama triangle, though. When you flip the drama triangle on its head and you reverse it, the victim becomes the creator of their circumstances. The villain becomes the challenger of paradigms, the disrupter of industry, the disruptor of generational pattern, and the hero that co-dependent. Version of the hero, that savior complex actually becomes the coach. And so if you are a coach and you want your you want your message to actually be coaching, you don't want it to be the hero. You want to be the coach, the guide, the facilitator of the space for other people's own transformations to free themselves and liberate themselves from the drama triangle. And if you're caught. So if you notice, if you look back on your messaging and it's blame me, it's like, look how far I've come without that asshole, then that's that's messaging that is going to attract a victim kind of client or somebody that is in the villain role that will take a trap, that will be attracted to your hero complex because they're the villain of their own life, and they need you to save them from themselves.

Kimberly Spencer (00:07:19) - Please do not. When you go on podcast, when you communicate in your messaging, whether it's on podcast or in your social media messaging. I always approach messaging from a place of aspirational leadership. I see somebody in their highest and best potential. I see somebody for what they can be. For who? For. When someone tells me their dream, I believe them. And then I double down on the vision of what that looks like for them. And what I see with when you flip into the mode, when you flip the drama triangle and you're in the creator challenger coach mode, the coach will call bullshit out, but not in a way that blames someone. They will just call it out and not ascribe to a victim mentality. They aren't trying to prove anything because they don't have anything to prove. They're trying to make you better. And that's the level of messaging that when you can elevate into a level of messaging where you challenge, lovingly, someone to rise into their highest and best, empower them with the tools that allow them to see that they are the creator of their life, in their circumstances.

Kimberly Spencer (00:08:30) - And then you coach them not code dependently, but by empowering them in their greatness and in their own possibility beyond their present circumstances. That is how you elevate your marketing message to go beyond the drama triangle of the past, of what they have experienced, to actually championing somebody to achieve their dreams. So check yourself in your messaging and look back. Who have you attracted as clients? As customers? And I say this all from lived experience. So having been the person who when I first started my coaching company, I had the marketing of like, look how far I've come. That was all very egocentric. That was very much savior complex. And I did attract some customers that were in that space and looked to me and put me on a pedestal. I don't want to be on the pedestal. I am the coach who is on the ground floor with you, helping you run your laps. Helping you improve, giving you tweaks and tips and and seeing the whole playing field. I don't want to be on the pedestal.

Kimberly Spencer (00:09:41) - Take me down off of there, please. Because pedestals are a shaky surface. So. Look at how you've been framing your marketing and your messaging. And there are great tools like you can always also take your message, especially if you've posted it on social media. Plug it into ChatGPT and say, hey, please analyze this message for me. What is the tonality? Does it have hints of blame? How would you change this message to be more aspirational and empowering? And then you attract a whole nother level of clientele. If you need support with your marketing and your messaging, get coaching with me on your storytelling, on your podcasting strategy, on making sure that you are positioning yourself to receive the clients that you want to receive, not the negative Nellies the Debbie Downers and the the victim Veronicas. We don't need those. We want the people who actually take ownership of the results and who want to actually make a positive change in this world, and who have a little bit of personal responsibility and are grown up enough to just own their shit.

Kimberly Spencer (00:10:48) - Click the link below to book your communication Queen. Consult with me to go over and review your marketing, messaging and communication queen strategy so that you are able to stand out and communicate your message in a way that attracts and magnetize the right clients from the right podcasts into your domain, your queendom, your kingdom, your realm. Click the link below and book your one hour paid consult with me. And just remember, let your voice be heard. Your story has the power to save at least one life. Let's make sure it's inspiring them to save it and not look to you to save it. As always, stand out and be heard. Thank you so much for listening. If you love this episode, subscribe! Leave us a review and share it with your friends for more tips on guest podcasting, storytelling and communication strategies, follow us on social media at Communication Queens Agency and visit us at Communication queens.com. I look forward to seeing you in the next episode. And in the meantime.

Kimberly Spencer (00:11:50) - Remember your story has the power to save one life.

Kimberly Spencer (00:11:54) - Let your story and your voice be heard.

Ranked No.55 in the United States by Apple Podcasts for Marketing, within just one week of launching, and over 33,000 downloads in the first 5 months, the Communication Queen Podcast with Kimberly Spencer is on the fasttrack to becoming an industry GAMECHANGER, in supporting listeners to tell better stories, enhance their communication skills, and learn how to leverage getting booked on podcasts to grow their business.

From interviews with Top 100 Podcasters, to providing real-life storytelling coaching, and communication #quickies of bite-sized communication tips that you can start leveraging right away, to increase your authority and influence in your niche, this podcast is a must-listen for anyone looking to level up their storytelling skills to serve + sell more in their business. To listen to any of our past episodes for free, check out this page.