Enjoy this episode & transcript below where Kimberly Spencer, Master NLP Mindset & Communications Coach and CEO of Communication Queens, interviews Sarah “Sharky” Harkness, who is the founder of The Lotus Project. Sarah has built and scaled an incredible company, Cattle Dog Digital, and took companies like JB Hi-Fi in Australia from 300 million to over 900 million in revenue.

In this episode of the Communication Queens podcast, host Kimberly Spencer and guest Sarah “Sharky” Harkness explore the provocative idea that suffering is a choice. Sarah, who has endured 26 surgeries and a two-year hospital stay, shares her belief in the transformative power of love, care, and compassion. They discuss how expressing polarizing views can lead to growth and make conversations memorable. Sarah also talks about helping others reframe their suffering through a mindset of love and compassion, sharing a poignant story of inspiring a sick woman to find her inner fire. The episode wraps up with an invitation for listeners to engage and share their own stories.

FYI Transcripts may contain a few typos. With many episodes lasting 30-minutes, it can be difficult to catch minor errors. Enjoy!

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Kimberly Spencer (00:00:00) - What makes a podcast interview stand out? Well, one of the principles in Communication queens is to have a polarizing perspective. Now, we do not mean polarizing for the sake of polarizing to be a divisive asshole. That's what's used in politics. We don't need more divisiveness in our world. What I mean, though, is your polarization is a stand that you take for something that is for a belief or a value that some people may disagree with. And that's okay. And this episode was originally recorded on our Crown Yourself podcast. The full episode is available. It's with my dear friend Sarah “Sharky” Harkness, who is the founder of The Lotus Project. Now, Sarah has built and scaled an incredible company, Cattle Dog Digital, and took companies like JB Hi-Fi in Australia from 300 million to over 900 million in revenue. They were a rev ops company. She specializes in the combination of abundance theory and tech. And what I love about Sarah's interview and why we pulled out a piece of it for this specific podcast, is because I want to give you an example, a demonstration of what it means to have a polarizing perspective, that you take a stand for something that may rub some people the wrong way.

Kimberly Spencer (00:01:14) - Coming from Sarah's background, to give you a little bit of history, she had 26 surgeries and was in the hospital for two years. People thought she was going to die as a mother of three children, and yet she still holds this deeply held perspective to be true. And her story backs up her perspective. And there is a belief that I love and that I ascribe to that. If she can, I can too. So no matter what any challenge that someone is faced, I hold that belief and listen through that belief system. Now, for some people, this perspective that Sarah will share on this podcast episode is going to rub you the wrong way. If you are stuck in a victim mindset. If you like to be a victim of your circumstances, if you think there's no way you can change or like you, or if you have my favorite phrase as a coach, Kim, you don't understand. Those are phrases that will cut you off from the possibility of new perspectives, and that those are the phrases that this one polarizing perspective that Sarah shares that I deeply hold to be true, as well as a coach and as a leader.

Kimberly Spencer (00:02:25) - This perspective, it is igniting to possibility because it suddenly will make you the creator of your reality. Now, if you don't want to be, if you like to be a victim of your circumstances, if you're at the effects side of the equation, and instead of being a cause for your life at cause for your results, then yeah, it's gonna rub you the wrong way. And you know what? As far as Sarah's concerned, that's okay, because maybe that trigger is exactly what you need to illuminate something in you for your growth. This is how podcasting stimulates further growth, because there will be podcasts that you will listen to, that you may not agree with. Every single thing somebody is saying. In fact, certain things somebody may say and you'd be like, oh, I'm never listen to that podcast again. And yet I would challenge you as a coach to. Let it illuminate. What are the things that you need to see within yourself? Because the thing about having a polarizing perspective and sharing that on a podcast and sharing that and having that be a part of your not only your brand message, but your business's message, your whole ethos of as a speaker and as a leader.

Kimberly Spencer (00:03:37) - The power of that polarizing perspective is that it illuminates something in somebody else to explore. And they say that there's no such thing as bad publicity, that all publicity is good publicity. So even with haters, even when people are like, oh, I don't like your stuff, even people are like, I disagree with you. They're still paying attention. Now, like I said in the beginning, we don't want to foster divisiveness, but I would encourage you to listen to this podcast and Sara's demonstration of how she demonstrates her polarizing perspective that, for some, would be polarizing for others. I mean, if you've been a mindset culture in the personal development space, you're like, yeah, take ownership. Of course everything's a choice. It's like, oh yeah, that's a no brainer. But for some, they're going to have a hard time receiving this and that's okay. So what are those things? What are those beliefs? What are those deeply held values that you can. Leverage as your polarizing perspective.

Kimberly Spencer (00:04:44) - I was coaching. One business owner in Australia who has this huge speaking business, speaks on massive stages, does like Tony Robbins style events, and I challenged his belief just lovingly as his coach that he could figure anything out. And I poked. I tried to do my best to poke holes in that, but that belief for him was so rock solid, so ironclad, that he believed that no matter what he faced in his life, or in his business, or in his reality or in his world, he could figure anything out. And I love that belief system. And that's a belief that I was like you. That is the belief you lead with. That is a polarizing perspective, because so many people will want to live by an excuse of like, I can't figure it out, I can't do anything. I'm like, first of all, it's called Google Search Bar. Not to be rude, but just saying. Secondly, find mentors. Find people who are doing that which you think is impossible, and watch how radically your world transforms.

Kimberly Spencer (00:05:40) - So that is the power of holding that polarizing perspective as a communicator and as a leader is it will ruffle some feathers and it may just light the way to their expansion. It may just be the light that they need. The kind of one two fu punch in a way that's like. Oh, maybe because I'm so triggered. That actually means that I need to have some exploration. What if this is actually true? Like, what if I just tried on this belief? This is also the tactic, the communication strategy that will make your interview memorable. It will make it stand out. Because in a sea of vanilla, when you throw in some rainbow sprinkles and some nuttiness and some chocolate, that's what the pull power of the polarizing perspective is, that it differs you from every other person in your industry, depending upon the energy and the depth at which you take that stand for that which you say you stand for. And before we dive into the episode, if you're like, oh my God, how do I learn all of these strategies? How do I really leverage my communication in order to make the biggest impact that I can then Queen, I have something for you.

Kimberly Spencer (00:06:57) - We are opening the doors to our visibility accelerator, which is a group for podcasters and podcast guests who want to collaborate in aligned mastermind collaboration to be able to get booked on podcasts and practice what it is that they preach and get out there on podcast, sharing their message and their polarizing perspective. So if you feel that's for you, click the link down below in the description. And now let's go to the episode. Welcome to the Communication Queens podcast for the visionary leaders, speakers, service providers and podcasters who are looking to stand out sharing their story. I'm your host, Kimberly Spencer, former screenwriter turned master communications coach. On this podcast, I'll be coaching you on how to share your own transformation story so that you increase your visibility, influence, and income on podcast interviews. Let's get your voice heard. Looking at the um. The the transformation of the identity shift. Just to play devil's advocate in the terms of branding, right? Yes. Like to say that suffering is a choice. It is incredibly polarizing.

Kimberly Spencer (00:08:15) - Oh, yeah. To be able to get it, to really declare out loud, to so much so that many people might want to punch you in the face. I humbly and I that's.

Sarah "Sharky" Harkness (00:08:24) - Not downplaying this angry at all. In fact, bring it on. It it. And in fact, I welcome the the the that I welcome this this is great. This is how we learn and and look, um, forgive my, um, forthrightness about that, but I am qualified to make that statement because, um, in those moments of pain and it might be physical, emotional, uh, psychological. You know, we all have dimensions of us. And at any point, those dimensions can be attacked from outside. Inside, you know, it's a constant, constant necessity to alchemist this. We get anxiety, we get depression. We you know, we have so many facets. Um, and I often speak with people in my coaching business about, um, in the abundance coaching business about this because.

Sarah "Sharky" Harkness (00:09:23) - My frustration sometimes internally, quietly is I can see you choosing suffering and I don't want you to because I know what's possible when you don't. But that the care and compassion is the is, is is actually.

Kimberly Spencer (00:09:38) - If we look.

Sarah "Sharky" Harkness (00:09:38) - At it and break this down into an equation in order to transpose or alkalis that suffering, if we simply just gave ourselves the internal love, care and compassion that we needed to get through that moment of suffering, and we allow space for the suffering and and the suffering isn't the problem itself. It's how we choose to deal with the suffering. It's how we choose to optimize the suffering. And that's what I mean. In the hospital, I was starting to go, okay, let's experiment with this particular situation. Fell through the neck, or there was literally one time there was blood on the walls and I was like, this is I took a photo of that one day. I was like, yeah, this is the moment that's like, I don't want to repeat. This is in your face.

Sarah "Sharky" Harkness (00:10:23) - This is like a murder. This is a murder scene. This is horrendous. So okay. All right. And then but yes, but and every moment you feel like right. Every moment, no matter how small this suffering is, like one of my kids get mad. I'm like, oh, this is as bad as it gets. And we know we've got data points otherwise. But, um, in the moment it was okay. If this is as bad as it gets, what is the moment? Leave from me. Take a breath. How can I just give myself love, care and compassion in this moment? And it was something that I just started to do. How can I turn this moment not into this moment anymore? So it didn't feel so bad anymore. It just was away. Did not feel so bad in the moment. So in those that are coming saying, okay, we're suffering is a choice. Yeah, life is a choice. Love is a choice. Everything's a choice.

Sarah "Sharky" Harkness (00:11:24) - Every single day you are making an active choice. It just depends on how conscious you are of that choice. So how conscious do you want to be of that moment? In this moment? How conscious, how alive do you want to be right now? Will the moment and go be there? Because right now you have an opportunity. This is a this is a gift. Suffering can be a gift. And for me, I saw my suffering as an opportunity. I just went, okay, wow. Bring it on. More stories, more data points, more information I can use to create. Then a new version of myself and I started taking photos. I started actually writing about it. I started posting about it. All right, we're having another surgery. I just started to use it as a story. That was something I could then hopefully use to help others see that life wasn't so bad because if my life was so, so bad in that moment, then maybe there wasn't going to be so bad.

Sarah "Sharky" Harkness (00:12:25) - It was just a data point, right? So I guess the choice is just knowing that you do have a choice and that's freedom. You actually have that sovereignty within. I mean, I.

Kimberly Spencer (00:12:37) - Personally, I love your forthrightness and couldn't, uh, like I completely agree. Like I said, I was playing devil's advocate.

Sarah "Sharky" Harkness (00:12:46) - And I.

Kimberly Spencer (00:12:46) - Love in the way in how you share the the story of your suffering and the experience that as you navigated, you navigated to one of the most powerful like you shifted. What Tony Robbins says is the quality of your life is determined by the quality of questions you ask. And he got that from Richard Bandler, who's a founder of NLP. And so the the question that you shifted was, how can I bring more care, love and compassion? And that tip alone in just how you communicate, because you got such a polarizing topic right there in suffering as a choice. Because, I mean, you tell that to to the grieving mother who just lost a child.

Sarah "Sharky" Harkness (00:13:29) - I like, well, people with cancer stage for cancer. Yeah, and I did. I had this conversation. A friend of mine are at my go and get regular infusions line boss and you know, quite regularly and that's maintenance and um, and there's a woman there, uh, who has been battling really badly and and I did I did tell her this and some would say that's irresponsible. Some would give me a hard time. And I'm ready for all of that criticism because those that that will say that would not understand. But I can tell you right now the messages I got from her shortly later that day, I sent them to my team. I said, guys, this is what I'm talking about because I stood and said to her, let me be your proof. I have already done the suffering that you have and that you are going through. Let me let me be a proof. Lay it at my feet, let it go and just fight. Now is the time to fight for you because you are more than this.

Sarah "Sharky" Harkness (00:14:28) - You are so much more than their suffering. And if you just remember that that you are worthy of more than what you're suffering, then that can just see you through to just the next thing. And then all you have to do is not look at the mountain, you just, just the next thing and then collect your data along the way, collect a little data points of life and store them in your memory bank of hang on, we got through that moment so we can get through this moment and got through that moment so we could get through this moment and everything starts to bank up. And this woman. Went from fatigue. Like when I saw her, she was so flat. She just was about, you know, she's really about ready. She's like, all right, I'm ready to surrender to the reality. That part of the mindset shift is no, no, no no no. That that is what they want you to think. So don't do that. Just take that loss. Is there a little spark of fire left in here? Is what I asked her in.

Sarah "Sharky" Harkness (00:15:30) - Is there a little spark left a fire in you? Because I can see it. And? And that shifted her a little bit. And then I think what's come out of that is now a momentum. And now. And because she texted me and said, thank you so much for what you said, and I, you know, I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that. And she was motivated again to fight for herself. And really, frankly, we should all have that much care and love and compassion for ourselves that we fought so hard that even on even when we are at that point of surrender and we don't have a choice anymore, you know, we're about to go that we're absolutely happy to do it. Um.

Kimberly Spencer (00:16:09) - You said you said that's what they want you to think.

Sarah "Sharky" Harkness (00:16:12) - Who is they? Those people that are probably going to give me a hard time for things that are probably the people that are inflicting the suffering and, uh, and, and not holding themselves accountable for that or choosing otherwise.

Sarah "Sharky" Harkness (00:16:27) - But even they are worthy of care, love and compassion. And I can tell you right now, you know, the most, um, troubling people in my life. I've been practicing this and, you know, really honing this, this capability of. Seeing whether or not I could help bring to life this spark and this in them. And whilst they don't necessarily have all the tools that I have, uh, learned along the way, I've given them little snippets. Enough. Just enough, uh, to maybe stop them from making choices to inflict more suffering. So it's just a little bit of. You know, love, caring, compassion. And again, that is it. That is really it seems so simple, but it actually just is. It is that simple.

Kimberly Spencer (00:17:17) - Thank you so much for listening. If you love this episode, subscribe! Leave us a review and share it with your friends. For more tips on guest podcasting, storytelling and communication strategies, follow us on social media at Communication Queens Agency and visit us at Communicationqueens.com.

Kimberly Spencer (00:17:33) - I look forward to seeing you in the next episode. And in the meantime, remember your story has the power to save one life. Let your story and your voice be heard.

Ranked No.55 in the United States by Apple Podcasts for Marketing, within just one week of launching, and over 33,000 downloads in the first 5 months, the Communication Queen Podcast with Kimberly Spencer is on the fasttrack to becoming an industry GAMECHANGER, in supporting listeners to tell better stories, enhance their communication skills, and learn how to leverage getting booked on podcasts to grow their business.

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