Enjoy this episode & transcript below where Kimberly Spencer, Master NLP Mindset & Communications Coach and CEO of Communication Queens, discusses a communication technique using NLP.

In this episode of the Communication Queens podcast, the effervescent Kimberly Spencer coaches listeners on how to share personal transformation stories to boost visibility, influence, and income. She passionately advises against portraying oneself as the hero, instead advocating for becoming a guide to help the audience embark on their own transformative journey. Kimberly introduces "switching the referential index" from NLP to engage listeners by shifting from "I" to "you." Through dynamic examples and thought-provoking questions, she illustrates how to create an immersive storytelling experience. This episode is a masterclass in using one's story to inspire and connect with others, emphasizing the life-changing power of communication.

FYI Transcripts may contain a few typos. With many episodes lasting 30-minutes, it can be difficult to catch minor errors. Enjoy!

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Kimberly Spencer (00:00:05) - Welcome to the Communication Queens podcast for the visionary leaders, speakers, service providers and podcasters who are looking to stand out sharing their story. I'm your host, Kimberly Spencer, former screenwriter turned master communications coach. On this podcast, I'll be coaching you on how to share your own transformation story. To that, you increase your visibility, influence, and income on podcast interviews. Let's get your voice heard. Hello, hello and welcome back to the Communication Queens podcast. I am your host, Kimberly Spencer. Honored to be here with you for another Communication Queens quickie to help you stand out on podcasts. Share your story, serve and sell because your story has the power to transform a life. Like, literally save a life. So the reason why we're going to dive into the topic of today is because I have seen all too often really, really good hearted, talented, amazing leaders, people who have built phenomenal businesses, who are now stepping outside of the shadow of their business in order to build their personal brand.

Kimberly Spencer (00:01:17) - And they're seeing a need for them to come out from maybe the CEO or the founder role and build a brand, because maybe they're building something else and they want people to follow that. And if you think of. What inspires someone to follow. What inspires someone to follow you? Well. If you think of any, you know, mentor movie, we're going to use a lot of movie references in this one. Any mentor movie? Yoda. For example,, Gandalf leads Frodo, this wizard, this mentor, this magical person who has lived experience. Helps guide the way for. A Luke Skywalker. Frodo. Harry Potter to follow. So this person is the guide. The problem that I see when most people come out with building their personal brand, come out from the shadow of a very successful business, is that they market the hero as being themselves. They've built this thing, they've overcome these challenges. They've survived X, Y, and Z. The problem is, is that while we can give an applause and be like, wow, that's really heroic.

Kimberly Spencer (00:02:51) - Unless the audience sees themselves in your shoes, then you'll inspire. But not yet get to that point of aspirational. Because if you laundry list the things that you've achieved or survived and you're like, I've done this, I've done this, I've done this. But you don't bring people along for the journey. From the struggle to the to the achievement. They'll see you on the mountaintop. But they don't know how to get there. And they'll be like, oh, that person's up on that mountaintop, and they'll turn that mountaintop into a pedestal. And the problem with pedestals is that they can get knocked down. However, if you flip the role of the hero and put your audience into the role of the hero suddenly. You come down off that pedestal, it turns that pedestal morphs into a mountain, and you guide them up the mountain, because you've already followed and paved the path. What people need to see what your audience, the followers podcast listeners need to see, hear, feel and know. Is that you are seeing them where you have been, and so you are not the hero of the story.

Kimberly Spencer (00:04:33) - They are. They are the Skywalker. You are the Yoda. You are the Dumbledore. You are the Gandalf. You are the guide. To guiding them to that next step. You are the one who sets them off on their path. Who shows them the way? Because. They need to see themselves in the hero. So how do you do this in your communication? Well, there's a tool in NLP, neuro linguistic programming, and it's called switching the referential index. It is a type of hypnotic language pattern where when you switch the reference referential index to the concept being the the the protagonist being you, as in AI to you as in you, the audience. Suddenly that shifts into a command for the audience to follow rather than listening to a story and it being a story about you, which keeps them at a distance. So suddenly it's it's almost like in theater when you break the fourth wall and suddenly the audience is like, oh, we're involved in this. We're not just watching the spectacle play out, we're actually involved in this.

Kimberly Spencer (00:05:52) - And that's the thing is, you want to break the fourth wall with your audience, which you do by shifting the referential index. And I'll give you an example in a moment. By allowing for them to be a part of the story, to be a part of the hero's journey, and then to be the hero, rather than seeing you as the hero figure. Because then you shift from the hero to the coach. To the guide. So what this looks like. For example, if I was saying I struggled with bulimia for ten years. And what I realized is that when you actually take ownership over your actions. That's when you suddenly have the power to actually create change. I had to take ownership over the fact that it was never my father shoving my finger down my throat. That was me. That was my choice. And once I chose to take full radical responsibility for my choices, that was when everything changed. So if we were to dissect that piece of what I just said about my experience with bulimia, I went from an I talking about my experience to the lesson, which was when you take radical ownership back to an I.

Kimberly Spencer (00:07:17) - So I actually did I did this twice. Like that's communication mastery. So when you switch the referential index you then get the buy in. Did you get the lesson? Did it land a little louder, a little harder, where you're like, oh, okay, okay, I felt that. And then I brought it back to me, back to my story, and then allowed and then I would probably, in my communication, shifted again and bring forth a lesson again of I had to realize that once you take radical responsibility for your life. Everything can change. That sentence. So a great way to lead into any form of communication is any sort of realization, any sort of experience where you realize something and you say, I realize this. Here's the lesson in the new context. You do this, you change this. You change this way of thinking. You change your perspective about XYZ. And that. Is how you start to shift the audience into seeing themselves. As a hero because they are the one who is receiving the lesson.

Kimberly Spencer (00:08:32) - There that that is their first point of training. Is you are showing them your journey and then flipping the lesson back on them. So if I was going to be really masterful with that example. I would say flip the last bit of. I had to realize that I had to take radical responsibility for my choices, that it was never my father shoving my finger down my throat. It was me. And once I did. I suddenly was able to manifest change, and I recovered from an eating disorder that had plagued me for eight years to that point. I recovered completely, completely transformed. No relapses within two. So how do you need to start taking radical ownership? About your actions so that you put yourself at cause and then actually can create the desired effects, the desired results. So what I did there in my communication. Is. I flipped it the last bit into a question, so I went from an I story to a you lesson to it back to my I story of how it changed of the outcome, and then into the you question what is it that you need to do? How do you need to change? How do you need to create ownership? So I shifted the referential index two times, and the last time was in the form of a question.

Kimberly Spencer (00:10:00) - And as Richard Bandler, the founder of NLP, says, your life is dictated by the quality of the questions that you ask. So if you start challenging as the mentor, the guide, the the Yoda, the Gandalf, the Dumbledore, start providing your audience with a question that challenges their thinking, way of being, mindset, habits, what they're doing, etc.. Then suddenly they are the one who is discovering the path for themselves, and they see themselves as the hero of their own story. And you are the guide, the coach, the leader, the mentor, the influencer. I hope this tip served. It's definitely one of the most powerful tips that I've ever used, had experienced in my own communication skill set, in giving presentations for fortune 500 companies and training employees, and being able to communicate in a Ted talk like this one is incredibly powerful. So please take this one. Use it. Practice it so that your voice gets heard because your voice deserves to be heard. Your story has the power to save a life, and this is one of the communication tools that you can use to do that.

Kimberly Spencer (00:11:11) - I look forward to seeing you in the next episode. Until then, make sure to share this with a friend. Just one friend. That's all I ask. Just one friend. Somebody who is going at it with you for you, who maybe is inspiring you and let them know that they are inspiring you to to change and to shift your communication. And if this if you believe that this could serve them, then you can both mutually support each other. Be the Sam to the their Frodo. There are so many Lord of the rings references in this podcast. I hope you enjoyed it. And of course, as always, drop a review. Every review helps get this podcast out to more people who want to impact and influence people with their communication, and to serve from heart and from soul, and to really allow their story to transform other people's stories from problem to possibility. I'll see you next time. Thank you so much for listening. If you love this episode, subscribe! Leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Kimberly Spencer (00:12:18) - For more tips on guest podcasting, storytelling and communication strategies, follow us on social media at Communication Queens Agency and visit us at Communication queens.com. I look forward to seeing you in the next episode. And in the meantime, remember your story has the power to save one life. Let your story and your voice be heard.

Ranked No.55 in the United States by Apple Podcasts for Marketing, within just one week of launching, and over 33,000 downloads in the first 5 months, the Communication Queen Podcast with Kimberly Spencer is on the fasttrack to becoming an industry GAMECHANGER, in supporting listeners to tell better stories, enhance their communication skills, and learn how to leverage getting booked on podcasts to grow their business.

From interviews with Top 100 Podcasters, to providing real-life storytelling coaching, and communication #quickies of bite-sized communication tips that you can start leveraging right away, to increase your authority and influence in your niche, this podcast is a must-listen for anyone looking to level up their storytelling skills to serve + sell more in their business. To listen to any of our past episodes for free, check out this page.